He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
