Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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