I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wish there were birth control emojis
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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