Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
