Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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