that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
