oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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