Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
