some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
