I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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