dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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