i wish peter jackson would direct porn
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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