I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Fuck me I smell like cheese
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
