She said her name was "party"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
