Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
