note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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