why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Bring me that man meat
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
