There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
