Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
