Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
