I accidentally had phone sex last night
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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