Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize