Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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