That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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