Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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