I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize