and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
