I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
