What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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