Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
