he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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