Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
