Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
