well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
