I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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