I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
