He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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