my soul wont recognize me after tonight
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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