I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
