I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
