He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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