Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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