We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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