TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
