I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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