I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
