Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
