I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
