Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
