omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
