It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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