I hate your face
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
