I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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