I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
