Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
