Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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