So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
