I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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