Just fell off a train. Bad.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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