Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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