Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
