Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
