You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
