She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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