Plan B is the new Plan A
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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