Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
