He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
