That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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