I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
