I intend to get homeless drunk
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
