Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
