Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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