i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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