WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
