Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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