I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
