I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
