physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
