wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
