wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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