Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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