barbara walters just said penis...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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