I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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