too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
