Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
