You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
