Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Randomize
