I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize