i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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